Some days are harder than others

I know that I am surrounded (whether they are near me or not) by people who love me and are supportive but sometimes I feel utterly alone in this pregnancy.

It’s been 18 months since my mother passed away. And for the first year or so I was handling it pretty well. But now that I’m 5 1/2 months pregnant, it’s becoming difficult.

When I was planning my wedding, I was sad that she wouldn’t be there on my big day. But then we skipped the wedding and tied the knot at the courthouse and I dodged the heartache of her absence. I can’t avoid the pain, however, of not sharing motherhood with my own mother. I can’t call her and ask her questions. She won’t be there at my side (physically) like she was at the births of my nieces. She won’t get to meet this grandchild. She won’t get to give me advice that I’d reluctantly accept because I’m stubborn and prefer to learn on my own than be told. I can’t call and brag or send her photos. And honestly, it’s really painful. It’s a constant struggle.

I know that she will be there in spirit and will be watching over my child and me but it’s just not the same as having her here. We had a rough relationship during my teens and early 20s but patched things over in the last year of her life. Ladies and fellas, please appreciated your mothers.

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