Another rather uneventful week, as last week I wrote following my appointments.
This week has been full of anxiety/nerves/emotions. I’m fearful of the unknown, nervous to fly by the seat of my pants and go with the flow; I like knowing the game plan before the game happens. I’m seriously in for the shock of my life with delivery and parenthood.
I’m fearful of change in my relationship with my husband as a result of having a child. Things are so good. We laugh, joke, tease everyday and I don’t want any of that to change. I don’t want the lack of sleep that we are guaranteed to face to come between us. Of course I have shared these feelings with him and he reassures me that if one of us gets cranky, the other will take over. He’s also shared that just as I will fall more in love with him as I see him with Roman, his love for me will grow, too. I guess I’ve been looking at things one-sided.
Also, I’ve been struggling a bit with not having my mother… something I didn’t think would ever be an issue, as we weren’t on the best terms prior to her illness. Her not being here is disappointing for me. Following my OB visit on Tuesday, I reached for my phone to call her to share the excitement of Roman’s position and my measurements. And I had the wave of sadness hit when I realized I couldn’t call her anymore. I’m currently angry/frustrated that at the most important moment in my life I don’t get to have my mother there. Yes, I’m beyond blessed to have my husband, but my mom wasn’t there physically to see me married. She won’t be there to help me through childbirth and she won’t be a part of my son’s life.
And then there is the anxiety that comes with waiting. I am three weeks from my due date. Roman will be here soon. At this point it’s safe to say that he could come at any point in the next 3-5 weeks (please don’t let me go those last two weeks – Son, I’m asking you to spare me of that 😉 ) and that’s truly frightening and exciting at the same time. Physically I’m ready for him. Mentally? I don’t know. It still hasn’t sunk in that I’m *this* close to being a mom. Every day for the rest of my life. It doesn’t seem real. But I’m excited. I am so excited to me this little man who will love me unconditionally, this little man who will look like a mini version of my husband. But still, it is absolutely frightening to become a parent for the first time. Things will be different from here on out and I can already see a change in my priorities.
My age: 26
How far along: 37 weeks
How big is baby: around 6.5 pounds? This measurement is the same as last week but at this point, I don’t think I can estimate. He could be more or less… but look at this cute estimate of the size of his hand (via the Ovia pregnancy app):
What have you been up to: working (Come on, Ro, Mama needs her maternity leave to start), twiddling my thumbs
Exercise/Activity Level: it comes and goes.
Stretch marks: No but I can see my old ones and briefly panic until I realize they aren’t new.
Belly Button: out
Sleep: I’m waking up every 2-3 hours still to get up to go to the bathroom. It doesn’t count the moments I wake up from pain in my wrists or from the pressure of him pushing down.
Newest baby milestones this week: Still getting fat. 🙂
Best Moment of the Week: Thanks to generous donations from coworkers, I was informed that I have enough hours for 6 weeks of maternity leave. It has to be approved by a donation board within the city, though. I need my son to wait until Feb 1 to enter the world and I need him to do so without the need of a c-section. That’s not asking too much, right?
Worst Moment of the Week: I haven’t really had any rough moments other than brief moments of anxiety.
Food cravings: fruit. So much fruit.
Food aversions: not too many.
Symptoms: still dealing with the carpal tunnel. Also a new-ish symptom that is somewhat TMI is the feeling that someone has taken a baseball bat and hit me between my legs, especially at night. My inner thighs and groin area are so sore that it hurts to get out of bed. The nurse who taught our childbirth class explained that this feeling comes from the hormone relaxin that loosens the bones in preparation for delivery. I personally think relaxin is a deceiving name. 😛
Movement: He’s still stretching all the time. From what I can tell, he has his butt against the upper right side of my belly and his feet directly opposite (OB has confirmed he’s head down) and he pushes his butt and feet out at the same time, usually when his Daddy is touching my tummy.
What I’m looking forward to: our ultrasound on Wednesday – Edwin wasn’t at the viability or anatomy ultrasounds and I didn’t get to witness the entire anatomy ultrasound so I’m excited for him to witness it and excited for myself since I will be seeing all (or as much as we can) of my baby smooshed together in the womb. It should also be the last ultrasound before we welcome him into the world.
What I’m nervous about/praying for: anything and everything.
Next appointment: Wednesday.