Terrified of what’s to come?

Are any other first time mom-to-be’s completely scared out of their minds about anything and everything during their pregnancy? 

So far, I am not fearful of delivery though as it gets closer I am sure I will be. Right now, my mind is focused on being alone DURING pregnancy. In the 21 weeks thus far, my husband (who is military) has been home for maybe a month or two of my pregnancy. He returns this weekend but leaves again right before Halloween and will be gone until the weekend before Thanksgiving. He fortunately does not have any trips for December and will be requesting that someone else goes on any that might be scheduled for January/February/March. His presence during this time isn’t guaranteed, though, and I’m scared to death that I will be alone come delivery day. Who knows when I will go – on time? late? early? It’s so very important to me, since we don’t have family in the area, that he be here for the delivery.

And what if I have any complications? Hospitals are scary and I have already had to go to the ER twice for my migraines. The first time I was alone and when they gave me the IV, I became extremely paranoid. I just want him here in case anything happens.

And then of course I have those feelings of inadequacy. Will I be a good mother? I think of the impatience I had with a previous pet and I don’t want to take my frustrations out on my child. Or I think about the parents I see in public who rudely yell at their children over things I find to be silly. I don’t want to be like that; I don’t want to yell but is this something all parents do? I mean, I know that all parents raise their voice at their children and get upset with them, that’s inevitable, but when is it too much? 

I’m 26 years old tomorrow but sometimes I still feel 18. I ask myself “Am I ready? Am I mom material?” My husband always tells me yes and that I will be wonderful but I can’t help but feel secure. Surely I’m not the only mother that has this concern? 

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