TWENTY-FIVE weeks!

25 weeks?! Seriously?! My third trimester starts in 2 weeks and I have 15 weeks until R enters the world. Should I start the countdown now? 😉 Time has been flying by and I blame my husband’s work schedule. I feel like he just came home and then he had to leave again on Saturday. It’s only 4 weeks this time AND I get to see him in 10 days BUT I was not ready for him to leave again. I just keep reminding myself that because I am traveling to Louisville for the baby shower, the amount of time separated is greatly shortened and once he gets home in 4 weeks, he doesn’t have to leave again until March or April, at least a month after R is born. 
It has been a pretty rough week for me emotionally and energy-wise. I am still struggling with the change in my body and comments about how big my stomach is getting don’t help. I get that it is supposed to get bigger but I haven’t fully accepted the results in the mirror. I hadn’t quite reached my weight-loss goal prior to this surprise so now that my stomach is expanding rapidly, I don’t exactly like how the remaining 15 pounds are shifting. It’s all superficial, of course, and I (probably) won’t care as much once I meet R but right now it’s an issue I am dealing with. 
My biggest problem currently is the anxiety I am experiencing. I’m not sure if anyone truly understands what I am feeling. I am a first-time mom-to-be living in a brand new city with a husband who isn’t home all of the time. My friends (the ones with whom I am most comfortable) and family are far away and I can only have a one way conversation with my mother (what I wouldn’t give to have her here). I have moments where it occurs to me that I am alone and pregnant and anything could happen and it scares the shit out of me. I have to stop and breathe and fight the tears and anxiety. I’ve never had panic attacks but that is what I feel like is happening. It’s not something that I can prevent and it’s not a feeling I have 24/7 but when it occurs, it’s overwhelming. I can’t even put the feelings of the anxiety in words. I’m not just sad because Edwin’s away on a silly four week trip. I’m scared because this is new, uncharted territory for me, because I have pregnancy hormones, because I am alone, because I can’t control any of this, because I don’t have anyone telling me what’s normal and what’s not, because I feel like I don’t really have anyone to turn to because I’m afraid of talking their ear off/annoying them. 
All of the resources I have read state that the 2nd trimester is supposed to be easier, less emotional, and full of energy and that the 3rd trimester is the one where you sleep all the time. Nope, not true for me so far. The waterworks have been on full blast (I teared up when talking to a coworker about how I might actually miss the feeling of R kicking me from inside) and bedtime is between 7:30 pm  and 9:00 pm. Edwin has been wonderful about accommodating me but I can’t help but feel bad about the amount of time I’m losing with him because I can’t stay awake any longer. I’m hoping that maybe I’ll have more energy in the upcoming weeks but I just don’t think that will happen.
In terms of new symptoms I am having: leg cramps and Braxton Hicks. The cramps occur at night in my left calf and have terribly disrupted my sleep – some nights I have 2-3. The Braxton Hicks are irregular, of course and were what I originally thought was the baby moving. The internet (oh, how Edwin hates me using it to look up every pregnancy symptom) sites like American Pregnancy, WebMD, and BabyCenter all describe Braxton Hicks as a tightening of the uterus that lasts for 30-60 seconds and can be relieved with water and movement. They don’t hurt and don’t increase in frequency/follow a pattern, all of which is true for me. I had several the other night but walking around and downing some juice and water made them stop. Of course, to be safe, I am watching out for them and will be reporting at my next OB appointment. 
 
I don't look too pregnant from the front. The shirt is from the Mama collection at H&M.

I don’t look too pregnant from the front. The shirt is from the Mama collection at H&M.

But sheesh, from the side! That belly is getting big!

But sheesh, from the side! That belly is getting big (even though it doesn’t look real to me in this photo)!

I made R this bear this weekend. I was almost in tears during the process.

I made R this bear this weekend. I was almost in tears during the process.

A gift from a coworker!

A gift from a coworker!

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